Did I Just Commit a Performance?
I was cleaning up the backyard and saw the end of yesterday’s joint so I smoked it and left through the gate since I had to lock it anyways and decided to then walk to the book store. The high didn’t hit me until I entered the book store however I did hesitate on the walk over because I forgot deodorant which I assume means i probably had already been compromised. I started with the dvd section. No real title in mind but I recently got a PlayStation so I now have access to Blu-ray playing. I just kept thinking of titles I like or possibly own digitally and try to find a new version of it so I could take it to the cashier and without really talking about ourselves show them something that signals unknown secrets within my psyche.
Alas I did not find any movies so I went to the rare books section. Same but different goal in mind. Different because I was looking for titles which I did not know anything about but could take pictures and send to grok to tell me if it’s a good book but same because the end game was really just the whole check out performance so I could get my steps in for the day.
Throughout my trip I questioned being where I was doing what I was doing, I feel obligated to mention there were two unhoused folk rambling almost 30 feet from my house so I was checking the ring cam having to face the reality that if I did see something I probably wouldn’t do anything and just think about how scary that was, do I really need anything in this store (this is where the thoughts started to bubble leading me to question the point of the trip upon returning home).
But, here it turns around we get out of our head and decide on two books:
The first authorized U.S. edition of Henry Miller’s Tropic of Capricorn
The Best Short Stories of W. Somerset Maugham
Shoot its been like 9 days since I wrote this. I’m laying on my back on the ground now. Totally just epiphanied all over the front porch–decided to be optimistic. Came back inside and chose to accept it. SO I laid on the ground listening to Augie March. I determined their music is good because they were inspired by Saul Bellows book. I haven’t read it but I know its good because I listened to an interview from him once. Found it on watchavideo.net
Long story short we can all agree nothing in here was ever performative.